We’re still in catch-up mode, cleaning out the piles of junk mail sitting on the kitchen counter, sorting through the mounds of laundry that piled up in the corner, trying not to forget to pick up the dry cleaning when we’re out doing errands, and working diligently to knock out all the less-urgent but still-important…
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Jackstack says
WOW! Thank you for the feedback ES!!
Am I still around? I’m a daily reader! Love the blahg and I’m a ES evangelist on the forums.
I think you are 100% spot on, I don’t clearly establish an opinion here in the first paragraph, and risk losing the reader. I think in my effort to “paint a scene”, I got a little too cute and was channeling an inner Hemingway (But perhaps I should have remembered Ernest never went to bschool).
As for me, with this particular essay, I just felt that I couldn’t get it to where I wanted it by UVA Rd. 1, so I decided to push to Rd. 2. While I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, ES’s comments here really cut through the fluff and help assuage the gut feeling of the essay not being ready for primetime.
So while I haven’t applied yet to UVA, I did, however, submit this essay for the “Jefferson Fellowship” with my resume and profile. I received an interview invite for that this past week.
So, while it is not as successful as an ADMISSIONS interview to Darden, I was able to find some success. My hope is that by revising it with this feedback – and taking the spirit of this feedback in my revision of the rest of the essay – I can hopefully land the REAL interview.
Best of luck to everyone else! If anyone has any questions about this essay, I’m happy to answer!
-Jack
essaysnark says
@Jackstack, how awesome that you are already interviewing for the fellowship, and so cool that this came in time for you to use it for Darden app!! Sounds like your instincts are spot-on, and the decision to hold back from Round 1 was the right one (not that the original draft we saw was all that bad, but still, if you’re feeling it ain’t there yet, then that’s what Round 2 is for!!!). Your progress with the Jefferson fellowship is most certainly a success already. Thanks also for hanging out with us through the whole process, it’s great to know you’re around and we’re glad we got this up for you and hopefully others to benefit. You obviously gave us a lot to write about, and in a GOOD way this time!! Thanks for the contribution, we appreciate it.
EssaySnark