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($) Wharton essay 2: What will you contribute?

September 8, 2017 by EssaySnark - Discusses Wharton 9 Comments

We had thought we actually blahgged about this very important issue for Wharton essay 2 but apparently not. Apparently the post that we wrote last year on the Wharton “contribution” essay that warned of tone does not cover this other very important point that we thought it covered. So when we kept pointing BSers to that post, saying “we covered this issue there”, we were wrong! And they were probably puzzled!

So, apologies to any of you who’ve gotten that remark in some Wharton essay feedback lately. That post is still valid and lots of BSers are making that mistake of tone and posturing in their Wharton essay 2. But THIS OTHER issue that we will tell you about today is actually much much more common, and just as bad of an issue.

The issue is this:

You write an essay about how you will contribute without saying anything about contributing.

This is how it goes:

Brrring brrrrring!!

[that’s a telephone in case you couldn’t tell]  
You say, “Hello?”

Your sister says, “Hey, Thanksgiving is at my house this year. What can you contribute?”

You say, “OK great! I’m looking forward to it! I can’t wait to go to your house for Thanksgiving!”

Your sister says, “Cool. What will you contribute?”

You say, “I always pitch in at work and I love to collaborate.”

She says, “Awesome. What will you contribute?”

You say, “My friends all say I’m a really good listener.”

Your sister says, “Well listen to this, I’m asking you, what will you contribute?”

 
 
You get the point?

Wharton essay 2 isn’t about how you say you’re a nice guy or you’ll be happy to roll up your sleeves and help out. Or that you, errr, collaborate. (yawn)

Essay 2 is your chance to SHOW what you will do. HOW will you roll up your sleeves? In what way have you rolled up your sleeves in the past – and made a tangible contribution of some type, in some parallel situation that maps to what you will experience at bschool?

We’ve seen Wharton Essay 2 essays recently that talk about comforting a friend, and staying late to get a project done at work, and walking someone’s dog.

Ummmm…..

OK, well, maybe that type of stuff can work, but think it through, people.

We’re not saying that all those are totally irrelevant or that you can’t talk about how you’re a friend to your friends. But make it connected to what the MBA experience will be.

If you’re going to mention the Wharton Leadership Ventures — which is what EVERYONE this year is mentioning (it’s taking over for Wharton Executive Coaching as the most-mentioned thing in a Wharton essay) — then don’t just say that you’ll be a good friend and pitch in and help out and be on the team. Talk about what you have done in some type of extreme outdoors situation, where you stepped up and saved a life, or at least that you remembered to put the food in the bear-proof bin thingie in the campsite so that you didn’t get your rucksack ransacked by a Grizzlie. Do SOMETHING to make it relevant and meaningful. Tie those pieces together.

And to all of you to whom we posted that link to the other “tone and contribution in Wharton essays” post that warns about the paternalistic thing…. For most of you, we probably meant this. Today’s post. That apparently we’d never written yet.
 
 

When your sister calls to ask how you’re going to contribute for Thanksgiving, please tell her what you’re gonna contribute.

She’s not gonna be satisfied if your bum shows up and graces her house with the wondrous odor of your presence. Just being there is not enough (yet that’s what a lot of these Wharton drafts sound like – “I will bring my [insert good quality here] to Wharton” — like you’re God’s gift, and all will be blessed once you arrive on the scene).

Your sister’s asking for you to DO SOMETHING.

When Wharton asks that, please tell them.

What are you gonna contribute?

 
 
 

Need more guidance on how to deal with these Wharton essays?
Pick up the SnarkStrategies MBA guide for Wharton!

 
 
We’re also still accepting new clients for Round 1 – get those all-important Wharton essays decimated to make sure you are impressing the adcom (and not causing them to choke on issues like these!!)

Filed Under: culture essays Bschools: Wharton

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Sometimes amused and often appalled by what candidates write in their MBA applications to top bschools, EssaySnark created this little blahg to share common mistakes. Learn from them and avoid making admissions directors laugh (or want to hurl) when they read your essays. If you are hoping to have your essay reviewed anonymously on the blahg for free, submit it for consideration.

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Here's what others have said about this:

  1. giantasparagus says

    September 8, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Uh oh….now I’m really scared about the comments I’ll get back on my Wharton drafts…..

    Well, better to hear it now from the ‘Snark than in December from the Adcom.

    Reply
    • essaysnark says

      September 8, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      That’s exactly right!

      Reply
  2. Jackstack says

    September 8, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    She says, “Awesome. What will you contribute?”

    You say, “My friends all say I’m a really good listener.”

    Laughed out loud at this.

    Personally, I think the biggest challenge in these essay is perfecting the tone. Too little contribution, we get the situation in this blahg, too much, one can come off as “God’s gift to Wharton”.

    Reply
    • essaysnark says

      September 8, 2017 at 10:15 pm

      Yeah, that ‘God’s gift’ thing is really an issue with these essays!!

      (When we just typed that, we wrote “God’s fit” — which is perhaps a relevant Freudian typo!)

      Glad we’ve been able to bring some humor to the process today. 🙂

      Reply
  3. VCtoMBA2018 says

    September 8, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    I read the link to the lemmings effect and it totally cracked me up! I went to Wharton Women’s day this year and a good chunk of the day was totally focused on the leadership venture! For whatever reason, they totally are pushing it this year

    Reply
    • essaysnark says

      September 8, 2017 at 10:21 pm

      It’s really true – the adcoms bring a lot of this on themselves! They get applicants who all say the same thing. Well hey, maybe it’s ‘cuz you guys are telling them to say it!!!

      At least most of the BSers who we see mention Leadership Venture are the types who would really dig a trip to Patagonia or wherever. They’re already out there rock climbing in Yosemite on the weekend and sky diving and stuff. So it can fit as a legit reference and can be a great opportunity to talk up those interesting other adventures that they have done!!

      Reply
      • essaysnark says

        September 8, 2017 at 11:57 pm

        “you guys” = the adcoms (not BSers!)

        Reply
      • giantasparagus says

        September 9, 2017 at 1:11 am

        I’m not a lemming! I’ve wanted to go adventuring in Argentina since before it was cool.

        Also, are you guys offering any more unlimited speedy reviews?

        Someone Snarked all over my God’s gift to Wharton and now I need to rewrite everything.

        Reply
        • essaysnark says

          September 9, 2017 at 2:33 pm

          Adventuring in Argentina does sound awesome! You bschool kids are gonna have all the fun.

          Yes, Unlimited Speedy Review will be back soon! Probably will be available again on Sunday.

          Rewrites are where it’s at! God will be pleased. 😉

          /BlasphemousSnark

          Reply

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