EssaySnark

  • about
  • contact
  • help
  • sign up
  • login
CLICK FOR MORE!
  • Essay Questions
    • Harvard
    • Stanford
    • Wharton
    • Chicago Booth
    • Kellogg
    • MIT Sloan
    • Tuck
    • NYU Stern
    • Columbia
    • Yale SOM
    • Berkeley Haas
    • UVA Darden
    • Duke Fuqua
    • Michigan Ross
    • UCLA Anderson
    • Cornell
  • Strategy Guides
    • MBA Reapplicant Guide
    • Pitching Entrepreneurship as Your Post-MBA Career
    • Applying to European Business Schools
    • School-Specific MBA Application Guides
      • Harvard 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • Stanford 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • Wharton 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • Kellogg 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • Chicago Booth 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • Columbia 2022 MBA Strategy Guide
      • *MORE SCHOOL-SPECIFIC GUIDES HERE*
  • MBA Consulting
  • My SnarkCenter
    • My Strategy Guides
    • My Favorite Posts

($) Way too much witnessing. Not enough doing.

September 30, 2016 by EssaySnark

Even though we warned about this very issue just two weeks ago, we’re still getting essay after essay that says something like: In my experiences while working as a consultant, I have witnessed firsthand how the world of technology has affected business. This is a classic “telling” sentence. In your essays, you need to be…


While much of the blahg is available completely for free, the content here is reserved for members with full blahg access only ($9.95/month for six months, cancel anytime). Please login to view this content or purchase a membership.

Filed Under: "show don't tell"

« Previous: ($) The Lemming Effect
Next: No, you don’t have to actually do the thing you say you will do in the career goals essay. »

So who the heck is EssaySnark, anyway?!

We're the snarky experts in MBA admissions!

Sometimes amused and often appalled by what candidates write in their MBA applications to top bschools, EssaySnark created this little blahg to share common mistakes. Learn from them and avoid making admissions directors laugh (or want to hurl) when they read your essays. If you are hoping to have your essay reviewed anonymously on the blahg for free, submit it for consideration.

Want EssaySnark's personal assistance with your MBA applications? Start with our menu of consulting services and please read the Help FAQ to learn how we operate. Still have questions after doing all that? Email Team EssaySnark at gethelpnow at essaysnark dot com.

Good luck on your apps, Brave Supplicant!

Here's what others have said about this:

  1. levieillard says

    September 30, 2016 at 12:35 am

    “Witnessed firsthand” is like “I saw it with my own two eyes”–it builds the credibility for the truth of whatever follows. That’s great. It can also be entirely irrelevant. There’s lots of true statements that don’t deserve the time of day in an admissions essay, and i sets the writer up an observer, not an actor, in the events that follow.

    Maybe it’s possible to fit this into a story* of “I saw X, so I thought/felt Y, and did Z”. But even so, the focus of that sequence should be the Z, and how Z was accomplished, and what Z resulted in. The X and Y might be part of setting the scene, but should be budgeted as few words as possible, and “witnessed firsthand” is redundant. Using “witnessed” by itself is clear and concise, and saves you a word for something else that’s more of a value-add.**

    * EssaySnark is probably a better judge of whether or not the X/Y/Z format works for any particular essay than levieillard!

    ** Did I just use value-add in a sentence? My MBA education must be sinking in! I have mixed feelings.

    • essaysnark says

      September 30, 2016 at 8:25 am

      Ha – “value-add” – you’ve drunk the bschool Kool-Aid!

      You have some good comments here and you’re right, it may be worthwhile to open a story with a statement of what was witnessed – especially if, say, the BSer witnessed fraud, or maybe they witnessed a customer struggling to use the company’s product, or some other element that launches into their own story.

      What we perhaps could’ve been more clear on is that these “I witnessed” statements in the drafts seen lately have comprised the entirety of the BSer’s story. Meaning, they say something about their career letting them witness XYZ, and then they move on to talking about their goals – and that’s it. If you’re going to present a story in an essay, it needs to be THE FULL STORY.

      How to get there from here? Follow levieillard’s X-Y-Z example. 😀

      EssaySnark

UPCOMING MBA APP DEADLINES

  • (expected) Columbia J-Term/ED app to open
    in 0 weeks
  • INSEAD Jan '24 Intake Rd 3
    in 3 weeks
  • INSEAD Jan '24 Intake Rd 4
    in 2 months, 0 weeks
  • Harvard Round 1: Sept. 6
    in 3 months, 0 weeks
  • Harvard Round 1: Sept. 6
    in 3 months, 0 weeks
  • Stanford Rd 1: Sept. 12
    in 3 months, 1 week
  • Columbia J-Term: Sept 13
    in 3 months, 1 week
  • Wharton Round 2
    in 6 months, 3 weeks
  • Harvard Round 2 (FINAL HBS RD!)
    in 6 months, 3 weeks
  • Stanford Round 2
    in 6 months, 4 weeks
   
   

CLASS OF 2025 MBA APPLICATION STRATEGY GUIDES

From a former BSer:
"love the guide books!"




    The 2022 Stanford MBA Application Guide - for "what matters most" in your MBA application!
SnarkStrategies Guide for Stanford GSB for the Class of 2025
   
    The 2022 Harvard MBA Application Guide - updated for the Class of 2025!
SnarkStrategies Guide for Harvard Business School!
   
  The 2022 Wharton MBA Application Guide - even more advice on how to get to a win with those essays!
SnarkStrategies Guide for The Wharton School - with clear guidance for the 2022 essays!
   
  The 2022-2023 Columbia MBA Application Guide
SnarkStrategies Guide for Columbia Business School for 2022-2023 applications
   
    The 2022 MIT Essay Guide covers the org chart, the cover letter and 'introduce yourself' video, plus the new optional short-answer question on "the world you come from" -- and everything else you need to know!
SnarkStrategies Guide for MIT Sloan MBA - totally revised for the Class of 2025!
   
    The 2022 Kellogg Essay Guide - with a full methodology to identify your 'lasting impact' and your 'values'
SnarkStrategies Guide for Kellogg MBA - revised for 2022!
   
    The 2022 UVA Darden MBA Application Guide gives insights on the essays, Early Action, the possibility of a test waiver, and everything else going on here!
SnarkStrategies Guide for the Darden MBA - updated for the Class of 2025 requirements!
   
   
The Yale SOM MBA Application Guide for Class of 2025 candidates!
SnarkStrategies Guide for Yale SOM - updated for 2022
   
    The 2022 Berkeley-Haas MBA Application Guide - updated for the Class of 2025 application!
SnarkStrategies Guide for Berkeley Haas - refreshed and updated, with brainstorming exercises and structured maps to help you focus your stories!
   
    The 2022-2023 NYU Stern MBA Application Guide that covers the essays, the EQ Endorsement and test strategies!
SnarkStrategies Guide for NYU - discusses your requirements for the Class of 2025 essays!
       
   

EssaySnark® is a registered trademark. All content copyright © 2010–2023 Snarkolicious Press · Privacy Policy