This post covers an older essay question from Duke, however the concepts discussed for writing a good essay for this school still apply.
We started discussing some brief comments on a Brave Supplicant’s profile recently in reaction to a request for a free essay review but never managed to get into the essay. We’re circling back to that today. First though — This BSer told us that they’re applying in the Fall, for the Duke Early Action option…
Here's what others have said about this:
The final semicolon needs to be a comma; the phrase before it is a fragment.
Thank you! FINALLY someone offered a correction! Yes that’s definitely a minimum that needs to change. Anything else?
Mmm, I see three things to change. First, “because of” is used incorrectly. Second, there is no need for the comma before “such as.” Third, similar to Levi’s comment, the last sentence is a run-on; I would have ended it after salesforce.com.
@Ksamba, thanks for joining in! Yes to the second two things you mentioned, though they are also both stylistic and not completely “wrong.” However, not sure what you’re calling out on the first comment. Can you please explain what you mean by the “because of” phrasing? We’re not seeing that as an error. Help us understand what bothers you there! 🙂