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essay critique: Kellogg leadership essay 2

October 14, 2011 by EssaySnark - Discusses Kellogg

This post is marked as OLD. The strategies outlined here are still sound, since Kellogg still wants to get the same type of solid pitch from its MBA candidates. Go here for the latest-greatest in Kellogg MBA essays.

We’re gonna stick with essay snippets for now. If the essay is really good, then we don’t need to post the whole thing, and if the essay is really bad, well…. do we really wanna subject ourselves to 600 words of it? In February 2011, I was leading an 8 member team for a new…


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Filed Under: essay critique, leadership Bschools: Kellogg

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Next: essay critique: Kellogg “surprised to learn” essay »

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We're the snarky experts in MBA admissions!

Sometimes amused and often appalled by what candidates write in their MBA applications to top bschools, EssaySnark created this little blahg to share common mistakes. Learn from them and avoid making admissions directors laugh (or want to hurl) when they read your essays. If you are hoping to have your essay reviewed anonymously on the blahg for free, submit it for consideration.

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Here's what others have said about this:

  1. Sirius Black says

    October 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Essay Snark: I just have a small doubt about describing the company. Whether is it all right describe the organization once in a previous essay or it makes more sense to give a brief intro in each essay?

  2. essaysnark says

    October 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    Sirius Black, you're right, it does get tedious to be re-introducing the company in every essay. However, it is important to provide enough info that a reader who's picked up THAT essay as their first introduction to your app will be able to follow – you never know which essay they will read first! No guarantees they'll start w/ Essay 1. If it feels too repetitive, then try to vary how you position it – but you should still explain/define anything that a reader may not know.

    Separately: If you're talking about the same company in EVERY essay, then maybe you don't have enough diversity in your essay topics?

  3. Sirius Black says

    October 14, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Awesome 🙂 Thank U EssaySnark (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLVlQ7x2in8)

  4. ccatcher says

    October 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    This essay makes me realise that people are coherent out there.

    I just want to tell my fellow supplicants that getting your essays reviewed by a lot of people is not a good idea.
    My reviewers removed story after story and now I have vanilla essays with a lot of sentence fragments and missing articles.

  5. essaysnark says

    October 15, 2011 at 6:24 am

    We get the Superman theme song?? Now *that* is awesome!! #humblebrag

    And yes ccatcher, it can be dangerous to have too many people with their thumbs in your essay pudding. https://essaysnark.blogspot.com/2010/11/friends-dont-let-friends.html

  6. Anonymous says

    December 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

    hi Essay Snark,
    is it important to show how a Kellogg MBA will help you overcome your weakness, in this essay?

  7. essaysnark says

    December 28, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    @Anonymous, concerned you might be approaching this wrong. A “leadership area you hope to develop” is not necessarily a “weakness.” This doesn't seem to be the right essay to be talking about weaknesses; the focus should be on highlighting the strengths of your experiences. Maybe we're overreacting to semantics however it made us nervous to see how your question was phrased.

    But, to answer the specific question: YES, whatever “leadership area” you say that you want to “develop” will hopefully be intricately linked to what Kellogg can offer to you!

    Make sense?

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