essay critique: Columbia essay 2 “life experience”

October 4, 2011 by EssaySnark - Discusses Columbia

Describe a life experience that has shaped you. At a young age my father established a manufacturing unit that was growing successfully when a few family members deceived him and swindled his plant, leaving him with financial burdens and health challenges. Affected by the setback, he suffered his first heart attack two-months before my birth….

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Here's what others have said about this:

Cassiopeia says

October 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm

That essay was beautifully written!
Anonymous says

October 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

" . . .(S)windled his plant . . . ?" Really?

This was perhaps the most egregious of the more than several clumsily written (if not "heavy footed") constructions that mark the essay.

Not only was I surprised to see that they were not caught (and corrected) by the writer of the essay before it was actually submitted, I was even more surprised to see that your review failed to pick up on them.
essaysnark says

October 5, 2011 at 2:17 am

Sorry, what, exactly, is Sir Royal Highness (aka "Anonymous") b!tching about? There are no typos here. We already noted that there were a few minor issues but none that interfere with comprehension. Nothing in this essay is inexcusable for a writer for whom English is not the first language.
Dan V says

October 5, 2011 at 2:25 am

Anonymous snarking of an applicants essay is not nice, especially over a questionable verb choice. At least add something rather than insulting two people's work.

Maybe, Rough day. Instead, talk it out with us. We are all running through a gambit of emotions during the application season.
essaysnark says

October 5, 2011 at 2:32 am

Wow, thanks Dan V!! Now THAT'S the kinda guy I hope gets into bschool!!!
Samudra says

October 5, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Only one question: you ask the BSer to reference the sentence "I gained a maturity to address issues beyond my age.", but then ask him to leave out the para about him having to make the potentially life-or-death decision about his father's 2nd bypass? Isnt that para about the 2nd bypass doing exactly that?